Starting at the beginning.

Well, I guess I should start with why I decided to start a blog.  I was actually inspired by a good friend who posted her very first blog not long ago.  It made me think that I should do something like that too but I didn't know what to write about.  Then it came to me.  I realized that I have been on an amazing journey over the past year towards better physical and spiritual health and I would love to share it with whoever wants to listen. I also love to cook, bake, do crafts and make cakes so I realized that a blog is a great way to share that with the world as well.  

So I will start by introducing myself...


My name is Ashley

Thats me at my 10 year high school reunion.  It was a good night.  I got to visit and catch up with friends I hadn't seen in a long time.  Thanks to the world of Facebook, we were all familiar with what everyone was up to though.


Anyway, back to my story...


About a two years ago my life hit, how should I say this?  Rock Bottom?  That doesn't sound right.  That sounds like some one who has is a drug addict and had a major overdose that almost killed them or something... I had nothing like that.  I did however find myself in a place I never wanted to be.  Alone, overweight and lacking a relationship with God.  My very best friend in the world, who was also my roommate got engaged and bought a house and moved out.  I was left to move in with my Grandmother, who I love to death, but it was kind of bitter sweet.  Here my best friend was getting married and starting a new life with a wonderful man and I was 27 and moving "back home" in a sense.  This left me feeling very lonely.


Lets just say, single life is hard.  No one wants to be alone.  Although, I think I would rather be alone for the rest of my life than be married to the wrong person.  Never the less, it still sucks.  To all you who are single out there... all the pep talks in the world won't make you feel better.  All the, "your too wonderful for God to leave you single" and the "God has someone out there for you, it's just not the right time," doesn't make the loneliness go away.  No one knows that better than me.  I am sure it makes everyone else feel good to tell you that though... So I let them say it.  You and I know the truth, but don't let being single get you down.


Not only was I single and living with my Grandmother, my weight had hit an all time high of 236 pounds. Sigh...

This is me at my Dad's wedding... This was not a pleasant picture to see!


I have never been one to complain about my weight.  I never really minded not being a skinny supermodel.  I always believed that if you ate healthy and you worked out it didn't matter what size you were.  I still do believe this but that is not the way I was living my life at that point.  I didn't care anymore. Eating was comfort.  I know I am not alone.  I know there are people out there who do the same thing as I did.  I suffered from stomach problems, loss of energy, and fatigue.  Not to mention depression.  Depression doesn't come from obesity alone but not eating a healthy balanced diet and not working out doesn't help your frame of mind.  Something had to change in my life and it did, but we will get there.


Now for the God part...
I struggled to find a church that I felt at home in.  I tried a few different churches but going to church alone is a hard thing to do.  Not only did I lack a home church I wasn't putting God first in my life.  I said the odd prayer before going to bed at night but I sure blamed God for all the bad things in my life instead of being thankful for the blessings.  I wasn't pleased with God!  How dare he let me be the lonely one!  I never did daily devotions because I felt that they didn't change what God was doing for me anyways because God wasn't doing anything for me at all.  Or at least this is how I felt.  I am sure he was doing something... Maybe some tough love?


So, to say the least, I felt horrible!  Life sucked!

Then things slowly started to change but I had no idea how much they would change in a year. January of 2011 I was at work and the secretary asked me if I wanted to run in the sun run with her in April.  Well, I knew my weight had to change and I though that physical activity was the best way to do that (I was fooled by the way, exercise is not enough) so I said yes.  She gave me the couch to 10K training schedule that you can get off the sun run website and off I went.  I stared running 3 days a week following the schedule laid out for me.  Let me just say, running 1 minute almost KILLED ME!!!! I was determined to keep going so I kept on training.  When I had to take an extra minute of walking to catch my breath I would.  I figured that I was still doing good if I was getting out there and doing my best.  Finally running 1 min was a breeze!  I got worked up to running 7 min and walking 1.  Wow, I was SO impressed with myself.  Well, we didn't end up doing the sun run.  I can't remember what happened now but it didn't work out.  So I asked a friend of mine if she wanted to do the run for water with me in May.  She said she would so we signed up right away.  Then I had an extra month to train too.  I ran my first 10K in May of 2011.  I ran it in 1h 20min.  I know it's not a great time but I wasn't last and I DID IT.  When I crossed that finish line I almost cried.  I was SO proud of myself.  I never thought I would ever be able to do something like that in my life!

That is me after my 1st 10k.  With my medal.  So proud of myself.


If I could give any new runners advice on running a 10K.  Just do it.  Don't worry about your time.  Don't worry if you have to walk some of it.  Don't worry about anything.  Just get out there, try your hardest and trust me you won't regret it!  If you are doing it for yourself, no one cares what your time is!!!  But you will be so glad you did it!


So, with all my running, after 5 months I had lost a whopping 6 pounds!  YAY.... or should I say whoopty do...  I couldn't believe it.  I had worked SO hard at increasing my cardio and I had only lost 6 pounds.  What the heck?  That sucks!  When I talked to my doctor about it, she told me it was great.  I wasn't convinced.  How could it be this hard to lose weight?  Then one day at work a coworker of mine said she was going to go to Weight Watchers.  I spoke up right away and said I will join you!  So, every thursday at lunch we would march ourselves over to the weight watchers group and weigh in, listen to the meetings and leave feeling ready to take on another week of eating.  The pounds melted off!  I couldn't believe it.  It was so easy ( I hate to say that because losing weight isn't easy, it is hard work.  But with Weight Watchers it felt easy!).  I lost 20 pounds by the summer, which was great since I had my 10 year reunion and was a bridesmaid in my best friends wedding.  Having to wear a dress is a good motivator to lose weight.  I continued on Weight watchers and lost another 20 pounds by christmas.  40 pounds in under a year.  Although Weight Watchers was great for teaching me portion control, I had to keep working out too!  I had to quit Weight Watchers because it became too expensive for me but I have continued to try and follow the program on my own.


Even though I had lost so much weight and was working out I continued to suffer from stomach problems that would give me the worst pain I have ever felt.  I had been hospitalized a few times for the pain and I really couldn't pin point the cause.  So, I decided to go to the naturopath.  She put me on an allergen diet which I thought would have been really difficult because you have to eliminate almost everything that is good from your diet and your left with vegetable to eat.  I made the best of it and came up with some awesome recipes, which I hope to post on here in the near future!  Well, I found the cause of my stomach pain, GLUTEN... gluten was the culprit.  I feel SO amazing now that I have taken it out of my diet.  No stomach pain and I have way more energy!  This gluten free thing is all new to me and it has been a bit of a challenge.  But I feel so good and I will post some recipe's when I get the chance to test them out.


So, now I feel GREAT.  My physical health is in good shape.  I have lost 55 pounds ( I will post a current photo when I get one.  I haven't had any taken recently.) and my stomach pain is gone.  I have a ton of energy and my body can do things I never thought it would be able to do!

I know this is a bad photo, but it's me after losing 40pounds.  It's the only photo I can find right now.


Moving on...


Living with my Grandma has turned out to be an amazing experience.  I know that we will both cherish the time we get to spend with each other.  She has been a huge blessing in my life.  Living with my Grandma has given me the opportunity to return to school.  I am doing my Bachelors in Social work.  I would have never been able to afford to go back to school if I was still living on my own.  Lets just say I pay cheap room and board.  She also cooks, cleans and does all my laundry.  I know what you are all thinking, you want to live with my grandma.  Well you can't!  She is mine and she isn't for rent!

That's me and my Grandma.


As for my relationship with God. Well, now I can say I have one, or I am starting to have a better one.  I realized that I was so selfish and I needed to get my act together and count my blessings.  I became a member of a church that I enjoy and I often visit another church in town that a few of my friends go to.  I had an amazing chat with a cousin of mine who really gave me comfort when I needed it the most.  She helped me see that God was right there calling me and that I needed to act on the promptings that he has put on my heart.  God is offering and I need to accept, even if it isn't really what I want to do.

Thanks Michelle, for the time you took to listen to me when I needed someone to listen the most.  Life was so hard and God spoke through you right to my heart.  I don't know where I would be if I hadn't have spent that weekend at your house.  You have been a GREAT gift to my life and for that I am eternally grateful!  You are beautiful inside and out and God has given you a gift, the gift of spreading the grace of God with such elegance and kindness.  I am sure you have been a gift to more people than you know!  Thank you!


So, after my visit with my cousin I drove straight to the Christian book store and bought myself a daily devotional.  I now set my alarm a little earlier so I can get up and start my day off with God.  This way God is first in my day!  I also joined a woman's bible study that I have really been enjoying.  I am learning a lot.  Our leader is strong in her faith and the girls have a passion to know God better.  They are supportive and kind.  I don't know them all very well yet but I hope to get to know them better over time. I have been spending more time in prayer  and trying to remember that I don't have to do everything on my own.  I began counselling to help me overcome some passed issues I had been holding on to.  Lets just say I am learning to move on.  My counsellor told me I suffer from a heart that cares to much and that I hold on to everyone else's burdens.  I am learning to let God carry those burdens so that I can rest in peace knowing that God is in control and I don't have to fix everything on my own.  This is very hard for me!  
One thing I struggle with is wanting what others have... husbands, children, families, beautiful houses and cars.  Envy has taken over my soul.  This is a struggle that I work daily on.  One day in church, my pastor was preaching on envy and he said that Envy is the overflow of a heart that is not resting in God alone.  This stuck with me!  Isn't that the truth?!  Daily I try to allow my heart to rest in God.  This has allowed me to let go of my jealousy that was getting in the way of my relationships with my friends.   I bet they didn't even know I struggled with this.  I guess now they will.  It's ok.  I want to be happy for people.  God has blessed me and God has blessed them, just differently.  In contrast, I have my daily struggles and so do they.  No ones life is perfect, we can only try our best to live our lives following the path God has marked out for us.  Thankfully that path is paved with GRACE, otherwise I think I would be stumbling down the wrong path more often than not!


So, I don't believe that this journey is over.  I can't wait to share more.  I hope to post some craft ideas and recipes as well.  


Thanks for reading!